A Moment of Silence

I'm sitting here alone with my self. It’s 03:15 am now. And obviously I can’t sleep. I was reading a book and then I stopped when I realized that I’m not concentrated enough. I’m listening to one of my favorite Waltz pieces from Tchaikovsky. Trying to fly away with my mind... far away... so far as I can. I’m actually trying to escape from something. I’m trying to keep my mind busy as I can and to stop thinking, but obviously it was an unsuccessful attempt. I'm lost inside my feelings and I can’t keep it any longer... at least writing it down here may clear my mind.

I have been holding this for a while now inside me. I haven’t been feeling this in a long time. I’m trying to understand my self. Trying to analyze my behavior. What could be wrong with me? This can’t be true right? I’m trying to understand the situation.

I’m trying to figure it out, actually I need to figure it out. Why need? Could that be an emotional breaking-through? I don’t know. But when could it happen? 

I have been denying it ever since I don’t know when… But now it feels that I was most probably wrong. Just when things changes... You start to realize how actually these things had a meaning in your life. But why now? Wrong timing I believe? 

In blink of seconds things changes. In blink of seconds things can mean more than you could have imagined. It looks like that it happened in a heartbeat.

I haven't felt this in so long. I have no clue, when, where, why and how it happened. But I feel that before what happened happened! Honestly I’m scared.

Too many questions left open without any clear answer yet…

Writing seems getting me nowhere! 

Bonne Nuit.